Letter 2 my little Sister

I am not sure so far, if we anytime had a good relationship together. I remember have played with little dolls or with our other cousins mostly. Maybe I remember being playing and building our own city, house, or work, in the middle of those boxes our parents used to throw away.

But I could not remember, in what moment you started to feel threated by me. I could say, and this time, with no intentions to judge or blame anyone else, but I would dare to say that when we started to date guys, our relationship was a little bit worse.

 I just want to say sorry if I was very selfish and mean with you, perhaps I never wanted to mean it. Perhaps I just want you to be safe, you are my little sister and the littlest in our family anyways.

My journey has been painful, although it does not seem it!

All this kids I have looked after, have shown me that we were just little kids, we did not know how to manage and control our feelings and emotions.

And girls? oh God! Girls, we are so difficult, we are very emotional, And me? Oh my God! I am very emotional and sensitive.

I was jealous, I have always been like that. But just now, in my 30s I started to learn about that.  I could say that just today I am knowing myself and understanding myself.

And this is a process everyone must cross through, to make their own lives better. And those feelings are naturally inside us, for some reason, learn a lesson probably, but it is something that everyone carry with themselves, as DNA, and from our ancestors.

Sorry I never want to be mean with you. Maybe with people you liked. And this is not a justification, this is me, trying to keep thinking, why I was like that with you.

 And I could just think that maybe I was feeling rejected, and maybe I could have felt that you did not love me, or maybe my parents did not love enough. This is a wound I am working on.

But what I have been able to understand about me, is that I could be overprotective as well as our parents are. I have been realising that my personality is that type which wants to keep everything and everyone safe and controlled, so no one will feel hurt!

However, I have understood many things as well, everyone as their own life, and their own pathway to walk and build. And you are in yours, and you have chosen, and it is perfect.

You were right, if someone else is “making a mistake” they will be able to manage for themselves. Everyone is free, to choose and make decision. And I must confess that I am one of those people who hates when they do not feel free. And I was doing the same with you.

Everyone has different perspective of the life, of the love of every single and thing in this world. Everyone is totally different to each other. And that is the wonderful of this planet.

We both are different, and we think different, and I cannot judge or give opinions because it is your own life.

One day I just listened an audio from someone, and since that moment I felt different. I felt that I wanted to be better, that I wanted to do everything good, because doing good things, the good things will come to me.  And I did not want to feel hurt and lost anymore.

So, I decided to change. And it was my own decision. No one else told me to do it!

It has been a long letter, but what I really want to mean, is that I already understood I must be respectful and let you do your own life. Maybe today you will not understand, but one day, you will!

And I will be there for your and the new baby to help up out, no taking over the responsibility of that, because it was your decision, but giving you hand, from my heart, with anything you could need.