31st Mar 24. After Moon Eclipse
I could be wrong, but I'm assuming that there are only few who could understand the sensation that seeing the Sun and seeing the Moon and stars bring into ourselves.
I remember some words I used to listen to, when I was a little girl: ‘yes, the sun is beautiful the moon is wonderful, everything good, but I must come back to work. The Moon won’t pay my bills’. So I simply forgot about the importance of admiring these wonderful scenes.
However, anytime I was able to look up to the sky, mostly at late nights after work, (as I never used to be awake before 6 am), I remember being secretly delighted by the Moon; she never would stop to amaze me…but quickly I had to let it go the feeling to come back to work.
I’ve been called dreamer, starry-eyed, not only because of this, for many different reasons, and I believed it for long time. It isn’t something that weight too much, but still come up from time to time, but I always remind myself that all those ‘delusional’ dreams have come true.
How many times do we forget about the simple things, which bring us peace and alignment with the whole. how many times we’ve found ourselves immerse in the ordinary and dull things, meaning that there is always time to feel connected, with something bigger.
I never get tired of seeing the Sunrise or looking at the Moonrise, because once I’m in front of it, I just feel alive, blessed, or perhaps connected, it’s a unique sensation that makes me forget about my thoughts.
I often go to bed thinking about if the next day would be a good day to wake up and see the sunrise, to try to remind myself that there is a new beginning every day, that there’s another chance every single morning to do something different, to create more magic, to dream something bigger, And I know it is hard when those thoughts start to show up when all the deepest fears turning off the spark, saying that I have a lust less life.
Some days ago, I went to sleep for some minutes, and I woke up with the feeling and sensation that I shouldn’t be here, that I’m doing nothing with this life, is this the reality do I need to live? What am I doing? Why am I doing what I do? is it something I really want to do? Why if everything it’s so beautiful down here, and I am feeling like this? Where has the excitement gone?
While I was walking in the middle of the busy street, people crossing by my side, I just could think: ‘is this the reality?' Are the other seeing and feeling the same? Why is so easy for the others be in here attached to something meaningless? I’m pretty sure they aren’t. are they happy? Am I happy?’
Why do I have to wait too much? How can I stop this feeling and these thoughts/ they’re coming back again, I don’t like them, I don’t want them. I should just go back to sleep and stay in bed all day or trying to move to another reality. My mum will need to handle the situation anyway.
My lately desire is about to stop what we call time and vanish in the middle of the forest I have reinvented as my safe place and turn up in a big and empty island, where it is only me and the trees, where is only my body and the colours and the sky, where is only my soul and the stars; it calls me every single night before I go to bed, and the Every morning’s desire is about to jump in the middle of the sea, dancing as mermaid while I sink hearing to the wisdom the water has always wanted to whisper to me... that is my lust.
I am conscious about these feelings, about these emotions and I must talk to my ego, bring myself back and understand this game, this beautiful game where there are plenty of wonders to be discovered by myself. Plenty of people to meet, the love of my life and the children I would love to raise. But how can I do everything at the same time?
I am conscious about there’s no time, there’s no space, and I can create everything I want, I have created this reality, how can I change it now? and it is not that I don’t like all the things I have done, because I have realised about the power within me, but today, everything is getting foggy, for my ego, for my brain, for my body, and perhaps I know the reason why.
Am I still in the same challenge? How can I overcome it? how can I jump into the next one? And with all of these, once again, I found myself in the middle of the ‘how? … in the middle of my mind…. when everything is about to feel, everything is about to believe, about love, but love with the light, with that essence within us, our soul.
