Writing my feelings and my thoughts, was the way I started healing. I am understanding every single situation from my childhood until these days and I am forgiving myself and everyone has hurt me in different ways. This is how I started.
Healing
Someone few time ago that I must need to take all of anger out of me. I was in a hard situation of my life, where I was reacting to everything and everyone. It was notorious, I was carrying on with something in my heart.
And I wanted to take it out, all of those feelings I had inside me but I could not describe.
I went where this amazing person to talk, and let my feeling flow, but what she recommended in that moment, has changed an aspect of my life.
She said: You need to take that anger out, meditate, scream or write. And all of these, It is what I have been doing since more than one year ago. Here you could read all of my feelings, fears, sadness moments as well as my scariest ones.
This has been one therapy to my body and soul, to learn what I have inside me, in my mind, and recognise a part of my lights and my shadows.
I could not avoid writing about my ugly feelings I had or I still have. This is a hard process for me, because it has been something that has hurt me deep down in my heart. I was doing my best to let go those feelings, and here you will find those once I was feeling them. So, my intentions, it remember you that everyone has had bad thoughts, feelings and emotions. Perhaps yours are not same big and bad as mine ones, but me , I never knew to handle them when I was a little child. Just by now I am learning how.
Forgiving and forgetting the feeling
Step by step, trying to forget, but to forget I need to forgive. No more feelings, good or bad!
I just want to forgive him and forgive myself. I don’t want to keep feeling this way, sometimes my mind is yelling out that I am guilty of having left someone who accepted me in his own place, who helped me in some way to don’t be alone, someone who heard me at least when I was in need.
But sometimes my soul is speaking, that even if anyone showed me a little bit of help, it did not mean love, because my soul was feeling in a jail, she wasn’t in the body of the person she wanted to be when I was with him. I felt tight up, not able to express myself, my body, my feelings, my happiness, and my illusions, without feeling minimised.
Probably all those feelings are or were part of myself, deep down, same as he felt betrayal for me, when I was trying to defend myself, he was trying to defend himself. What my soul can’t accept, is being left behind, once again, my own desires, my own respect, myself.
And even if I am healing, there is a part still inside me who needs to be cured, and it can’t be with the same people who have hurt me, because anytime, that wound will be opened and opened again. And even if I would be totally healed, there was another part in that relationship, who needed to be cured as well, but that part, never wanted to start his healing.
So, my soul speaks again and says that this is not the moment for being together, this is a moment to start again, to forgive and let it go all my pain, all my anger, all my past. I have decided to set you free, and do not feel this ugly emotion inside me, because it harms me, my everything.
I want to think about you and anyone with love, and do not feel still stress for the things I allowed to happen, because at the end of the day, everyone allows the good and the bad memories happens. So, I have chosen to remember these bad stories as they are, experiences to me to learn, grow and improve.
I chose myself once again, to keep ahead with my plan, my soul’s purpose and I wish all these people I have felt love and hate for at same time, would be able to understand, forgive and heal their own souls as well.