Forgiving and forgetting the feeling

I just want to forgive him and forgive myself. I don’t want to keep feeling this way, sometimes my mind is yelling out that I am guilty of having left someone who accepted me in his own place, who helped me in some way to don’t be alone, someone who heard me at least when I was in need.  

But sometimes my soul is speaking, that even if anyone showed me a little bit of help, it did not mean love, because my soul was feeling in a jail, she wasn’t in the body of the person she wanted to be when I was with him. I felt tight up, not able to express myself, my body, my feelings, my happiness, and my illusions, without feeling minimised.

Probably all those feelings are or were part of myself, deep down, same as he felt betrayal for me, when I was trying to defend myself, he was trying to defend himself. What my soul can’t accept, is being left behind, once again, my own desires, my own respect, myself.

And even if I am healing, there is a part still inside me who needs to be cured, and it can’t be with the same people who have hurt me, because anytime, that wound will be opened and opened again. And even if I would be totally healed, there was another part in that relationship, who needed to be cured as well, but that part, never wanted to start his healing.

So, my soul speaks again and says that this is not the moment for being together, this is a moment to start again, to forgive and let it go all my pain, all my anger, all my past.  I have decided to set you free, and do not feel this ugly emotion inside me, because it harms me, my everything.

I want to think about you and anyone with love, and do not feel still stress for the things I allowed to happen, because at the end of the day, everyone allows the good and the bad memories happens. So, I have chosen to remember these bad stories as they are, experiences to me to learn, grow and improve.

I chose myself once again, to keep ahead with my plan, my soul’s purpose and I wish all these people I have felt love and hate for at same time, would be able to understand, forgive and heal their own souls as well.