Who else like me?
And who else like me? Who can understand the pain you feel when you already comprehend you need to go, to be good with yourself? That you need to go to allow the other grows as much as you are doing!
After goes and back many times, trying to fix what you thought it was your fault, what you thought it could be better if you put a little bit more effort.
Who else can understand that pain you feel after having done all the things in the different possible ways and everything keep being same. What else is left to be done?
What about me? My heart has been broken three times. First my innocence totally broken realising that nothing is a fairy tale, that nothing is for ever, it is just about two kids playing to be adults. Me imagine a happy for ever.
Second, understanding that all that situation is not handled anymore. For my mental and body wellness. After crossed the entire world to be able to transform and live the life one day I thought I could have.
And this time, it has been perhaps less pain at the end, after truly having worked on myself and understand it is not about one person, it is about two people, and it about, what life is showing us with these experiences.
Painful at the beginning when you find out, everything is happening once again, or might be the second part of the same chapter of my life, talking to me to finally open my eyes and see there is something I must change, I must accept for my own wellness.
I was looking for a romantic love, trying to control and manipulate to have what I wanted, and when I almost got it, I found out it was not just about love, there are many things else involve, where were those?
Besides love, I looked for plans and financial support, someone who admired me and remind me how amazing I am. But I found out, I was never going to be enough for the wrong person. There were plans, but not together. Always hidden because a perfect women can’t make mistakes. But a perfect macho can?
When I thought everything has been finished. I fell forwards same story different person. Another macho, who finally fulfil me with amazing gifts, and financial support. Ha! That was what my mind was making me believe. Control and attachment, fear and lack of self-confidence, lack of self-steam and not self- knowledge at all.
What a sad thing, a heart broken, far away family, and of course life, made me bumped into my biggest mirror, full of fears, but also dreams. Yes, I discovered that person has a lot of dreams, same as me, and he was showing me, unconsciously, what I needed to see, but I was once again, putting higher expectations on someone else, not on myself.
But it would be totally relieved once you take that blindfold off, and see that other person is not walking the same pathway you want to walk. And for sure you will settle down when you finally understand that all those loves you have met are simply experiences to comprehend that the only person who will follow your rules, in the game you exactly want to play, is yourself. But first you must know what the game is you want to play, and what are those rules you want to create, and then go for it. You are the most important player.
It might hurt, a lot. Who else like me, who knows how painful it is. But how relieve could be. It is like deep breath you soul needed to breath. Who else like me, trying to say goodbye once again?
